Patchwork Girl

With each new break

A crack was created

Stitching myself back together

Determination the needle

Addiction, therapy, hope was the thread

 

I look at myself in the mirror

I see sadness etched into lines marring the grooves and planes of my face

Two deeply blue eyes gaze back

Deep in color and in soul

I see what this incarnation has imprinted on me

 

I continue to act as the seamstress of my soul

Sewing my heart and body back together

A patchwork sorrow, pain, happiness and goodness

 

It took the breaks and stiches to appreciate the uniqueness of me

 

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Underwater

Floating or is it drowning?

Air bubbles of hopes and dreams rise above me

Seemingly unattainable the further down I go

Do you know how it feels?

Shackled feet, weighted wrists

A prisoner of my own emotions

Heavy, I feel heavy. All the time.

Brushing my own hair seems like a victory

Victory in the small things right?

Do I stay or do I go? Do I care?

Let’s play

Russian roulette, except not with a gun

My disregard to this thing I call my life is the weapon

The numbness and risky behavior the bullet

Drunk, the pain seeps out of my pores

My subconscious numbed by pain

Why try

Why bother

Why