Musings

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Brutally honest and open musings. No hiding or pretending. But despite the darkness, there is hope. There is light and I am onward and upward.

 

 

Freedom begets more questions

  • Self-trust

 

Tears, oh so many tears. When will they stop?

Even with no liquid left in my body; my heart is crying

A cloud has settled in my soul

  • A bad day

 

Who is hiding down there? There in the recesses of my soul?

Do I want to know her?

  • Uncomfortable Curiosity

 

Awoke.

The word stirs up so many connotations

Connotations without answer

  • “In much wisdom is much grief”

 

 

Fuck it.

If only I could cauterize my pain, my crazy.

  • Anxiety

 

 

Lists, Lists, Lists

Choices, Choices

Paths, oh so many paths

  • Over/Under analyzing

 

 

Steps

Steps

Steps

Leading

Where?

 

 

 

Today was a good day. Thank you

  • Gratitude

 

 

 

I Accept-

Help me see you God. Without all the bullshit

The spiderwebs spun by man

Spiderwebs – silk and hypocrisy

 

 

I long to find you. To recapture you. Regain the honey and the hope

That dripped from my lips – my voice

Come back

  • On writing

 

“Spiritual lacerations” someone once told me; How the hell do you heal those? How do you heal what has already grown thick with scar tissue?

  • Frustrating Metaphors

 

What? I know you are there. Speak to me.

Speak to me through the wind in the trees

Speak to me in the absolute silence

Speak to my heart. I dare you

  • On Spiritual Anger

 

Fog, thick and dense clings to me

Making me forget my bearing.

Tears appearing from no where

Like snowflakes descending from a clear blue sky

Landing on the frozen ground of my soul

  • Fugue is a funny word

 

Love scares me

To death.

Being loved feels like being wrapped too tightly in a hot blanket

Vulnerability is a cliff

Tumble Tumble Tumble

  • Why am I single you ask?

 

 

Seeing his face pop up on facebook – the jowls on his neck

The tsunami of emotions drowns me with such violence

I can’t function – I can’t move- All I can do is cry

Hot tears for that beautiful and innocent eleven-year-old girl – who was scared

And knew the grasp of his big hands all over her body was wrong

 

 

Today

May I be Happy

May I be full of light

May I be full of loving-kindness

  • On Positive Shit

 

Pompei

My experiences have reduced me to ash.

Like the couple holding each other in the ash, I am frozen, clutching

My hopes and dreams instead

  • “Love”

 

“Go on an adventure they said!” Little did they know getting to know myself has been the greatest adventure of all; boy it’s a jungle in there!

  • Cheeky

 

Home

Where are you? How do I find you?

Is it within myself solely? Or is it a physical place?

Will I ever find it?

My heart yearns for it

I feel like an alien, different, not of this place

  • On being an emotional refugee

 

I’ve lost more than I have loved – what is the bigger loss?

  • Does it really matter who wins or loses?

 

Joy- I will find you.

  • Determined

 

 

I move around this painted world

Picking up colors as I roll

Through

Kaleidoscope soul