Choices. Everyday is filled with them. Packed lunch vs. going out? Go to the gym or not to? To buy or to rent? To continue the relationship or let it wither and perish? Yesterday I made a choice and turned in my resignation to my company. I felt like I was a moth, making the final push out of my chrysalis. Like all wombs, they are comfy for a period of time, but as one begins to outgrow their space of warmth and safety, the space becomes confiding and restrictive. I know I wasn’t meant to live out my days as a Systems Engineer. While I was very successful in that career path, I felt something was lacking, I felt as if the real me was being stifled, and above all I was restless. Was this Groundhog Day going to be it for me? Shouldn’t I be satisfied with all I have attained? After all, I have seen and done more than I would have expected in my wildest of imaginations as a child. What was wrong with me at the grand age of 29?
More often than not my life has been punctuated by “ought to” or “should haves.” It wasn’t until a solo trip last fall to Dublin that I woke up and asked myself “what do I want to do today?” Simple as that question may seem, it was profound. I never settled down and asked myself, what did my dream life look like? What was it that I wanted out of life? Once I began to ask this absolutely critical question, I learned, my current life wasn’t what I wanted. An especially enlightening book I read during that time “You are a Badass” by Jen Sincero. A particular quote from “You are a Badass” changed my life: “Getting clear about what your unique purpose is the difference between living a happy, fulfilled life of abundance, choice and expansiveness or living a life in the restrictive veal pen of your own indecision and tired old excuses.” So I decided to make a choice, a choice to live my live deliberately and that first step was resigning from my job. For the sake of my life, my spirit and my soul I know I have to start on a path of understanding and seeking my purpose in life. We all have choices in life, some large, some small. Navigating those day-to-day choices can be relegated to the autopilot of social expectations or conscious choice. I feel enormous relief; I can affect change in my life, and I do not have to wake up every day full of dread and lethargy at going to work. Emerging from the dark pool of desperation I am finally gasping the sweet and clean air of my freedom.
Transition, the word literally means “movement, passage, or change from one position, state, stage to another; change.” For me the passage from this phase to the next will start with a three-month trip to Fiji, New Zealand and Australia. I’ll expound upon that in future blogs, but suffice to say I can’t wait to start my new journey. The in-between stages of transition can be uncomfortable, but I know getting out of my comfort zone will cause growth.
Your life is yours to live, no one else’s. What choices are you going to make today?
“Afoot and light-hearted I take to the open road. Healthy, free, the world before me, and the log brown path before me leading wherever I choose. Henceforth I do not ask good-fortune, I myself am good-fortune. Henceforth I whimper no more, post-pone no more, need nothing, done with indoor complaints, libraries, querulous criticisms, Strong and content I travel the open road.” ~ Walt Whitman Leaves of Grass